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Expressing one’s desires: an exercise that turns into an inner struggle
These people often learned very early on to suppress their emotions, like locking away belongings in a closet that’s too small. The result? They struggle to verbalize what they feel or what they want. Accustomed to always coming last, to carrying the emotional weight of the group, they say yes when they mean no. Setting boundaries? Unthinkable. They’ve been led to believe that their emotions are disruptive, even illegitimate. So, they fade into the background in conversations, minimize their feelings, and sometimes end up losing sight of their own desires.
A relentless quest for recognition: the emotional void that is never filled
Being loved isn’t just about having a roof over your head and food on the table. It’s also, and perhaps even more importantly, about being seen, listened to, and valued. Children deprived of this attention often seek this approval elsewhere as adults: in their work, in the eyes of others, in relationships that are sometimes unhealthy. This constant need for validation can become exhausting. Like a leaky bottle that one tries to fill endlessly, they attempt to fill an emotional void that goes back a long way.
Breaking the cycle: how to escape these repetitive patterns
The good news is that these wounds aren’t a death sentence. Becoming aware of their origin is already a huge step toward healing. Therapy, reading, support groups, or simply caring relationships can help rebuild damaged self-esteem, little by little. Like learning to ride a bike again after a fall, it takes time, patience, and above all… a lot of self-compassion.
An imperfect childhood doesn’t write your entire future
Even if you didn’t grow up in an ideal environment, it’s always possible to reinvent yourself. Becoming an adult also means choosing not to repeat the same patterns, and to offer yourself – and your children – a more conscious, more peaceful love.
