ADVERTISEMENT
I lifted my phone and photographed the pages one by one. Then I sent them to Eli. I don’t know if any of this helps you, I typed. I just thought you should see what she’s been carrying.
The three dots appeared and disappeared for a long time. I sat on her carpet and watched them, wondering what he could possibly do with a list of cruelties less than two weeks before a dance. Burn them, maybe. Read them and grieve. I had not sent them with a plan. I had sent them because I could not hold them alone.
On the morning of day six, I made the mistake of calling the shoe store from the kitchen.
When his reply finally came, it was only one line. Some of these I already knew. Thank you for the rest.
Then, a minute later: I know what to do with them.
I stared at that second message until the screen went dark. Of course he knew. He had been her best friend through all of it. He had seen the hallways I had only heard rumors of. He had been building the gown’s bones already. Now he had found its heart.
On the morning of day six, I made the mistake of calling the shoe store from the kitchen.
“Size eight, ivory, low heel,” I said into the phone. “For prom, yes.”
I turned around and Hazel was in the doorway.
“You keep trying to drag me back to who I was.”
“What are you doing?”
“Hazel—”
“I told you to stop.” Her voice broke open. “I told you. Why won’t you listen to me?”
“Baby—”
“You keep trying to drag me back to who I was. She’s gone, Mom. She died when Mason died. Why can’t you accept that?”
“Because I love who you are now too,” I said, and my voice was shaking. “I love you in this kitchen. I love you in that hoodie. I just want you to have one night.”
ADVERTISEMENT
